32
I’ve been thinking about life lately. What makes a good life? I’m trying to be more mindful (and demure) about being thankful. I’m trying to contemplate what every one of my breaths means. Sometimes I don’t know why I’m here. It’s all very confusing. All I know is that every day I don’t give up.
I just turned 32. I never imagined my life ending up how it is at 32. Honestly I don’t think I thought about my life at 32 too deeply ever. I’m always so caught up with my inner thoughts in my head to think that far. I know that sounds selfish but that’s anxiety, baby.
In the last year and a half, I have been escorted to the hospital numerous times in an ambulance (an experience like no other if you’ve never been in one), had chest tubes, numerous surgical procedures that are both physically and emotionally traumatic, gained weight, lost weight, lost hair, lost lung functions, gained lung functions, celebrated and grieved, been inspired and also depressed, and yet I still turned another year older. (Life, uhhh, finds a way - Dr. Ian Malcolm).
I’m not trying to be super deep or existential here. In fact, I’m trying to be more shallow, because I think some people think too deeply and why the hell can’t we be shallow? Why is that frowned upon?
Anyways, here’s a list of what makes my life good. Not great. But not bad either.
Cats (all of the cats)
My at home latte maker
When I sign my last name and I get to use the double cursive “ff” (it’s extremely satisfying)
My home that I fill with art
Heated seats in cars
Homemade pizza
The fact that I love my job and the people I work with
All of the Apple products. All of them. They make life so easy.
The fact that I don’t live in the 18th century, or any century that is not the 21st century
Swimming pools
Portable oxygen
Friends who love you no matter what
Internet memes (literally love the internet)
Having a creative mind and being able to play dnd with my friends
The library
The fact that I have traveled and seen so much art
Frogs that wear cowboy hats
Heart ache (I know that sounds weird, but how else do we know we’re human?)
The great British baking show
The fact that Chris makes me breakfast every single morning
The Oxford comma
Not being frugal (I am a maximalist, not a minimalist, I always have been and always will be)
Hagrid’s motorcycle ride at Islands of Adventure gives me the will to live
Staying at hotels
Holding onto memories
J’adore my siblings, all 5 of them
I also adore these miniature chocolate avocado muffins that my mom makes me
Chappell Roan (a goddess sent from heaven to earth for us)
Movie theaters, specifically the ones with the reclining seats
When a Florida storm rolls in around 4pm in the summer time
Halloween and pumpkin flavored things (lattes, donuts, pies…)
My g-tube (I’ve learned to love it and I don’t mind how it looks anymore. You might, but I don’t)
The fact that I don’t mind
I threw one in for good luck. There are of course many more that I didn’t name. Because life is compromised of many things, some that I can name and some that I can’t even comprehend. I don’t know why I’m here…but I am, and so are you as you read this. And that counts for something, I guess.
I don’t know how to end this.
Which is sort of poetic when you think about life.
Xoxo
