a light that burns

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared

since auld lang syne.

I don’t know whether this is too melancholic or not, but the days following January 1 leave me seemingly empty. Thanksgiving is filled with food and friends and love, Christmas warms my heart with its movies and music and lights, and New Years brings hope and possibilities that seem endless. I’ve been incredibly happy and blessed lately.

But that bright light soon burns out after the beginning of the year. Why is that?

Normal life begins again, everyone goes back to their same old routine, despite the fact that we resolve to be different, and my joy dwindles because there’s nothing to look forward to. Is this what growing up feels like?

I want to be able to look forward to every day, not just an exciting season. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a lot to look forward to in 2020. I’ll (theoretically) finish my Masters in Art History this year. I’ll have another full year with my roommate in our home with our cats, a strong relationship, and we’ve already made travel plans for January.

I guess what I’m trying to candidly say is that even among the good days, there are still sad days that exist.

Above I posted my favorite verse from the song Auld Lang Syne. It’s the fourth verse to the song (which no one knows), but I’ve seen When Harry Met Sally too many times not to know the words to the song. An English colloquial translation of the term we have is “For old times sake”. We’ve paddled in the streams, and the seas between us have roared, but we always come back to auld lang syne. For old times sake. It’s a song about friendship and honoring ourselves and the ones we’ve met & lost along the way. It’s a song of deep reflection, which is appropriate to sing on the New Year.

My deep reflection comes with introspection, which I think more people need, and I need less of, to be honest. Thinking about all of this brings this light that has burned in me all season down a notch, but never out. My light hardly ever burns out, just flickers a little. It’ll burn bright again.

I recommend giving reflection a try, even if the sadness of auld lang syne comes with it. “we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.”

Here’s to being kind to myself, to yourself, paddling the streams, and letting the seas roar in 2020.

-memento mori